Dear Brenda, Every time that I see Iris Robinson on TV she does this sort of smile, in a delicate, knowing way, like she knows I can see her. She wants me, I know it. How can I have her? Loughkeeper, Castlereagh.

Dear Loughkeeper

Seriously?

Iris Robinson isn't interested in men, not even Peter, their relationship is some kind of biological anomaly. She doesn't make love, she makes investments.

My suggestion would be that you go out and meet a woman your own age, you wee shit, and stop trying to get free advertising by drumming up scandals in the media.

That said, if you're still into the more mature woman then grab a look at my profile pic baby, I'd break you in two and you'd cry out for more.

Brenda